If Only
by anniie23
Summary: Ziva came back to DC after five years of absence. She's finally ready to fight for her happily ever after. If only she knew how wrong she was that one day. / AU; season 13 finale never existed. / *Previously a one-shot, now the story contains two chapters.*
1. Chapter 1

_Before you read this one-shot, I want you to know that I started writing it a few months ago but finished it today. You'll see why I feel like I had to clarify that. It takes place five years after 11x02 ("Past, Present, and Future") but season 13 finale never existed (I was so heartbroken after watching it, by the way)._  
 _English isn't my first language, so please excuse any mistakes :)_  
 _I own nothing._

* * *

Ziva was walking down the street she knew so well five years ago when she was still working at NCIS. Her favourite coffee shop was still there. She always purchased hot drinks for her co-workers there and sue her but she hardly ever could stop herself from buying a piece of cake to eat later if she wouldn't have any break till the end of the day.

And next to that coffee shop was a place where Tony bought take-outs since the day she met him and the team. Not only because it was close to the Navy Yard but also it was really good, and Tony being Tony would never eat something he didn't like. Well, except once. Ziva cooked them dinner after a tough case and he didn't tell her that he was not a big fan of nuts. He was so tired and hungry that he didn't really care anyway.

It was almost four pm on Saturday - a sunny day in the middle of May. Families were out in a nearby park spending their free time together relaxing from stress, work and focusing on their family bond.

Seeing them she stopped and smiled. She sighed heavily trying not to think too much about what she could have had these days if she hadn't decided to work her issues out on her own. She was thirty-nine and still alone. That was what she wanted, wasn't it? Who knows, maybe today she would be happily married or even a mother?

There was a time she didn't believe she would be able to even live that long. She was born to make her father proud, to serve, fight, _kill_. She was good at it but there could always be someone better and she would be gone in a moment. After seeing so much anger, evil, so many deaths caused by heartless people, people just like _her_ , how could she possibly think about a perfect life with a man and children by her side? Did she deserve a happily ever after, after all she had done?

She was a grown woman now. Maybe she didn't exactly know what she wanted but she was perfectly aware of what she needed. Ziva was done with being alone anymore, she longed for someone to stick by her side again, for someone who would always be ready to devote himself as much as she did, someone who would understand why she acted the way she did when she was broken, who would accept her past, who wouldn't question her about it, who would love her with pure love... In only she knew she found that person all these years ago. But she knew now and she was willing to go for it, to fight for her own happiness.

Her heart almost stopped when she spotted him next to the tree across the street. He was wearing his casual clothes and talking on the phone but his eyes were focused on something in front of him. She tried to recognise what he was looking at but all she could see was a playground with some children.

And then she understood.

She'd been gone for five years, five long years.

 _What were you hoping for? That he would wait for you? Even if he did at first, did you really believe he wouldn't find someone else? He told you he wanted to change, he wanted to move on with his life. You weren't ready, you thought you can wait some more time and then think about starting a family with him but he was done with waiting, with hoping you'll be back, with you. You're too late_.

In the meantime, a little blonde girl rushed towards him. He bend down and stroked her ponytail with his free hand while she was hugging his leg. Ziva saw him covering his phone with his palm and saying something to the child which caused a giggle from the little one. She put her small hands in the air and silently pleaded for being picked up, he gently did it and placed her on his hip.

She was standing frozen trying to blink back tears. There she was, back in DC, almost next to the person she loved and a girl… The girl she hoped she would have with him one day. Except that she would look different. She wouldn't be blonde, well maybe she would but not that light blonde, her hair would be curly but she would still be loved as much as the little one in front of her.

She almost lost it when the child looked in her direction. Ziva could swear that Tony's daughter smiled at her placing her head on his shoulder. It made him chuckle and then he placed a kiss on her head. Seeing he was going towards her, still not aware of her presence, Ziva hid in the nearest bookshop.

 _You could have had it, you know it._

Yes, she knew and that's probably what hurt the most. But now she had to let it go, let them go, let them live their happy life. After all she'd done to him he deserved much more.

If only she knew how wrong she was.

If only she knew that this little girl wasn't his daughter.

If only she knew he promised Jimmy to take care of Victoria while he and Breena were spending some time alone celebrating their wedding anniversary.

If only she knew he was still truly, madly and deeply in love with her.


	2. Chapter 2

_It was supposed to be a one-shot but after all your requests I decided to write another chapter of this story. I'm sorry it took me so long and it's not very long. If you feel content with how it ended previously, feel free not to read it, I promise not to be offended. But if you feel like there was something missing, you may find it below. At least I hope so because I'm still not sure about this one._  
 _And again, English isn't my native language so I'm sorry for all the mistakes (I tried my best).  
_ _I own nothing._

* * *

Victoria closed her eyes for a moment yawning at the same time. Her head was still resting on Tony's shoulder and even though she was quite comfortable, she tried her best not to fall asleep because the man who was holding her in his arms promised her that after their time at the playground they would get something sweet to eat if she wouldn't tell her mom. It was supposed to be their little secret, he loved spoiling her with small things when her parents weren't around.

The little one turned out to be someone no one expected her to be. Tony was never fond of children. When he saw Breena holding her close to her chest the day she was born, he liked her, of course, she was a part of the family. But when she turned one and started talking he was amazed when she called him _uncle_ and wanted him to play with her. He never knew he would feel like this, that someone so little would actually care about him, that she would smile every time she saw him around.

Call him soft, he didn't care. He didn't have his own family, and by family he meant a wife and children, so Victoria happened to be someone he could love as much as he would his own one. Not that he envied Jimmy and Breena, no. The thing is that for the past five, well, actually six, years he wanted to be able to fill these two cups – the work one and the family one. He really did but with Ziva gone it didn't feel right anymore. He tried to make it work with Zoe but her vision of their future together wasn't something he longed for. He wanted to settle down, she didn't. Her career always came first, he was ready to even pack groceries if that meant that people he cared the most would be safe, happy, content with their life.

Victoria looked around making Tony wonder what was going on but when she rested her right cheek against his shoulder again he decided to let it go. She probably saw some cat or dog, this girl loved animals. But when she giggled and tapped him on his chest with her hand he stopped and looked at her curious.

"Everything okay down there?" he asked.

"Pretty lady!" she smiled at him clapping her hands in front of his face.

He had no idea what was going on. He really thought that she seemed so happy because she spotted an animal next to them that he didn't see and she liked it, but when she mentioned a _person_ it made him quite nervous. This child trusted people way too easily and that's why he was so afraid to let her out of his sight even for a moment.

"Wasn't that a "Pretty Woman" with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere? Actually, I'm sure it was 'woman' not 'lady'. Did your mom watch it again last night? You should really show her some more movies, kid, because it sounds like she'd seen it more times than I did all James Bond films."

He was sure she didn't understand what he meant but she giggled anyway. To his surprise she shook her head as if she tried to tell him that he was wrong and pointed her little finger at the nearest shop. He frowned but looked in that direction.

"That's a bookshop, we won't find that film there, you know."

Victoria scowled and still tried to make him understand what she was pointing at.

"Lady, uncle!"

"Okay, girl, listen to me. You can't just go to every person you see and say 'hi'. You don't know them and you can never be sure that they are nice people, right?" he sighed.

He knew that Breena and Jimmy told her that more than once but all these years being a cop and then an agent made him do that without hesitation. He saw so many evil things done to children that he wouldn't forgive himself if something happened to Victoria, especially on his watch.

"Inside!"

"Wait, you want a new bedtime story to read and that lady you're talking about is actually a princess? Well, your mom won't be probably too pleased if we come back with another one this month." he laughed. "But we can always look at some, can't we?"

Tony opened the door and stepped inside trying to locate a bookshelf or even a few with books for children. But before he even had a chance to look closer he spotted someone standing with her back towards him next to guidebooks.

 _Is it… No it can't be._

But he would always recognize those curls and that body he used to see in different clothes every day for eight years. For God's sake, he'd even seen her without them, he couldn't be wrong, not this time.

He considered taking his phone out of the pocket and calling her seeing if her phone would actually ring but after a while he thought that it didn't make sense. He didn't want to approach the wrong person but he would prefer to see her face when she spotted him in the first place. He wanted to see her reaction, he needed to see her face, her eyes he could read so easily all these years ago, he needed to know how she felt at that moment.

Yes, he was still quite angry with her for making him leave, for begging him to respect her decision, for being away for five long years but he didn't want her to feel bad for it. If that's what she needed, it was okay as long as she would talk to him later explaining everything.

"Uncle?"

"Uncle is going to say 'hi' to someone before we look for books you want, okay?" Tony said looking at Victoria that was still clinging on to his t-shirt. When she nodded and placed her head on his shoulder again this day he kissed her hair and started to move in the direction of guidebooks.

 _What if that's not her?_

 _No, it has to be her. You know Ziva too well not to recognize her when she's standing next to you._

At the moment he approached her he didn't say anything. He was looking at her face breathing heavily because even that part of it was covered with her curls, he knew it was her. Not only was she still beautiful but it looked like she didn't age at all. She didn't dare to turn her face and look at him, at _them_ but she was perfectly aware of their presence.

"Uncle, a pretty lady from park!" Victoria said and clapped her hands again that day. She often did that to show how happy she was at the particular moment.

And then something clicked in brunette's mind.

"Uncle?" Ziva repeated turning towards Tony.

 _Oh, man, how could you be so stupid? How could you be so sure in the first place that she was his daughter?_

"Yeah, that's what she calls me and McGee. Zi," he paused savouring how good it felt to call her that again. "Meet Victoria, Jimmy and Breena's daughter."

"Oh, I thought that-" she stopped not wanting to know how stupid it would sound if she told him what she really thought when she saw him with her in the playground. "That you are a family."

"Well, we kind of are, not a father – daughter connection though. Who knows, maybe one day?" he laughed still looking at the woman in front of him. "I missed you."

She took a deep breath before she told him anything else. She was never good at showing emotions even to the ones she cared about.

"I missed you, too."

"So you're back?" he asked.

He really hoped that she would affirm it, that she would say 'yes' with that smile he always loved. He would give anything to make it happen.

"That is the plan."

If he thought that his heart couldn't beat any faster than the moment she told him she missed him, he was wrong. He actually thought that she could hear it, she was standing so close to them. And she was back. For good.

"You have a place to stay?"

"I rented an apartment about fifteen minutes away from yours." she smiled. "I thought that would be a good start to catch up with years I missed being away."

"It sure is." he nodded. "Listen, if you're free now, I promised to treat this little princess to some ice cream, you want to join us?"

"I would love to."

If only it didn't take them all these years to realise how they really felt.

If only she didn't spend last five years in Israel wondering if she made the right decision.

If only they were better at showing their feelings, at talking about them.

All they knew was that they would try their best to make it work, to finally become a family.


End file.
